Rush

The night was nothing out of the ordinary. But strange thoughts were running through her head as the warm wind whipped her hair violently around her face. Usually, the strum of the engine of the bike reverberating under her, filled her being with a calm void, riding was almost like meditation to her. But not today……Today it was as if the engine was not tuned to her frequency. Every turn she took on the familiar road seemed alien; every other vehicle that passed her seemed hostile.

She found herself wondering what it would be like to die. It was after all well past midnight, if she had an accident, no one would find her until a long time. Maybe it would be too late by then. The last few seconds would be painful, no doubt. But then again, would it? She had always associated dying with immense pain. But what if she was wrong? She had read somewhere that in the last moments, one re-lives the most significant moments in one’s life. Wouldn’t unbearable pain cloud this experience? More importantly, was she going to find out the answer tonight?

She shook her head slightly, trying to clear her head of these weird ideas. She was not a shaky rider; she knew the city inside out, even in the dark. There was no reason to think about accidents. Besides she was too young to die, twenty is hardly an age when you contemplate the end of your life. But if I do, will life seem unfinished? She thought about her boyfriend, she would miss him, of course, and her family. But what about everything else? Would she regret not having done some things? She thought hard but couldn’t come up with anything. She suddenly realized she wouldn’t mind dying right then

There was something very disturbing and strangely satisfying about this revelation. She had barely lived her life, had hardly done anything with it and already was ready to let go. As she took a sharp turn, she was overcome with a feeling that it was not worth living a life which she would not terribly miss. The calm she was missing so far in the night suddenly washed over her. Everything on the road became painfully clear to her, the tree that she could ram into, the black abyss that she could ride off into.

A pair of headlights came into view at the end of the long road. They were powerful; it had to be a large truck. It was approaching at full speed; the driver was taking advantage of the virtually empty roads. As she raced towards it, she felt slightly high. All she had to do was swerve at the right time. The unsuspecting driver would have no way to save her.

She drove forward purposefully, increasing her speed. The truck was quite close now. The lights were blinding her eyes. She could hear its engine play a jarring note in her ears. She was almost there……In 30 seconds, she would have to jerk towards the right…..20….15…10…5…4, 3, 2, 1……………………………………………………….

The rush of wind dragged along by the truck felt like a slap on her face. The driver horned musically as he went past her. Never faltering for a second, she drove on, increasing the distance between her and the truck. She smiled. There was nothing out of ordinary about the night. It was not a night of suicide. Yet.